August 11th

So, only a few more days until our beta for FET #1, and to be honest I am not feeling positive at all. I know the success rates for FET are not as high as for a fresh cycle, and if our fresh cycle didn't work with 2 near perfect embryos, then why would it work now? I am in bad need of a break from IF, and think if the news is negative on Friday, that I may take a 3 month break. It kills me to do it, but I am so close to having a nervous breakdown from all this stress that I think I NEED it. I said that when we started this journey that I would give BIVF, 2 fresh IVF cycles, and then consider a 2nd opinion. That would be either B&W or maybe Fertility Ceneters of New England which has an office in Dedham. I feel loyal to BIVF though, and hate the idea of maybe having to go through hoops agian getting all sorts of tests for another office, but we will see. For now, I am counting down the days til Friday! However, Kenney Chesney is this weekend, and who can be sad then? :)

August 4th

So, yesterday was quite a roller coaster of emotions which started at 5 am! As I placed my morning dose of Crinone, I realized that I had never taken the extra progesterone supplement that was in the fridge which I thought was supposed to be the night before the transfer. I was shaking in the shower and berating myself for forgetting something so important! I called BIVF and asked to have the MD call me back ASAP. Dr. B called back (whom I have never met) and without asking me any questions about the other meds I was on said "well, they are going to have to cancel your transfer this afternoon." Well that's all I needed to hear, I lost my mind! I cried all the way to work and any time someone looked at me at work.

I made the call to BIVF at 9 am, and demanded to speak with Dr. P, who I was told was in Maine for the week and transferred to Kathy the RN to leave a VM. I explained the situation, my conversation with Dr. B, and that I was so terrified that they had already thawed the embryos and that my cycle was to be cancelled! Of course, I called and cancelled my pre and post transfer acupuncture and was on the verge on tears and sick to my stomach for a few hours waiting for a call back from the office.

Just when I was about to call again, Kathy called back and alleviated all of my fears. She looked at my chart and said the reason no one had told me to take the other progesterone was because my P4 level on Friday was A-OK. She said that they were still planning on seeing me at 4 PM and to re-book my acupuncture appointment if I was still interested in doing it. Turns out that my silver lining for the day was that my 2 frosties made it through thaw, and one looked just as perfect as it was prior to freeze, the 6 cell embie was a bit more fragmented but Dr. R assured me that they expect to see a bit of a change in the embies but that the implantation quality they look at is what the embryos were prior to freezing. He was VERY happy with our thaw report and made both S and I so comfortable with the whole transfer procedure. If I didn't love Dr. P so much , I might think about changing RE's to see Dr. R since he made us laugh so much even in the midst of a very weird situation. I mean every time I am at the doctor's office now, I am always there with no pants on! How's that for weird!

I am firmly planted on the couch today, following my instructions to take it easy for the first 24 hours. Here is to sore boobs, unrelenting fatigue, and Lizzie going for a nice long vacation!