January 28th

So today was Day #2 of the b2b IUI's this cycle. S's numbers have been incredible this cycle..and I am feeling really hopeful. According to Dr P's office, I have a "textbook Clomid/IUI cycle" going that will hopefully end in a successful pregnancy. I will not let myself get too excited as Feb 10th(my beta draw) is still pretty far away. I just think if S's "boys" don't like any of the 5 eggs in there they might just be too damn picky for their own good? Here's to progesterone supplements 3 times a day, sore boobs and a nice vacation away from Lizzie!

January 25th

So, here we are home again after an amazing 7 night Disney cruise which was AWESOME!!!!! You cannot beat the Disney hospitality, their staff is so well trained they are getting you an extra towel before you even think/realize you need it. Cruising in a group was totally sweet as there was always someone to do something with...they even had a full movie theatre on board! But enough about that....

Today was u/s #1 for this cycle and the u/s tech saw 4 measurable follies, one on the L at 12mm and three on the R at 16mm,16mm,and 15mm!! My blood work showed the beginning of my LH surge, so they will do another u/s in the morning and then trigger me tomorrow night for IUI's on Tuesday and Wednesday. I am soo excited because the last cycle in November on CD 12 I had only 2 follies and they were both 12mm each...I got double the numbers and bigger follies on the same med regimen. Now to convince Sean's "boys" that those eggs are a nice place to settle in for 9 months.................

I will be a good mother..

from a friend who has a beautiful baby boy from IVF #2

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children - I know that I will be better.I will be better not because of genetics or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child, I have longed and waited, I have cried and prayed, I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to obtain their dreams, I will notice everything about my child, I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover, I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing I can comfort, hold and feed them, and that I am not waiting to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream, My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense, that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child, that my friends will not see.Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads to me, I will not be careless with my love.I will be a better mother for all that I have endured, I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment and I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.I have prevailed, I have succeeded, I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort, I see it, mourn it and join them in theirs.I listen.And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely, I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, or other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth, and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes from walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Jan 6th

Yesterday was my post op follow up after the polyp removal with Dr P.

Donna (his RN) took me in and said he was going to do a quick internal exam. When he came in, we talked about the ice that morning since Dr P also lives in Dedham and the ice seemed crazy here. BTW I hit a snobank at the end of our street, going slow luckily! I got dressed again and met him in his office, and he started to go over the procedure again and how happy he was with the results from the polyp removal. I asked him if the pictures were to scale and he said yes! So that 1 inch blob really was taking up that much room in there..holy cow! He also said all of Sean's test came back normal and he has high hopes for this cycle. We ordered my meds knowing Lizzie will probably be coming on the cruise with us and I will start Clomid again on CD 3. I left there actually feeling a bit hopeful, which I have not done in a really long time. All of the medical stuff is in order, now maybe our dreams will finally become a reality. I am ready,willing and hoping to make this happen in 2009!

Jan 3rd 2009!!!

Hard to believe it is already 2009! That being said, I am actually feeling hopeful for the first time in quite awhile. I'm not sure if it's the relief of the holidays being over, our next Clomid/IUI cycle being right around the corner, or maybe the meds finally kicked in? Who know, but I am sure that S is much happier when I am not constantly stressed out. I held ALOT of babies over the last few weeks, as old friends became parents and the sleep deprived ones are turning the corner on the first few months of baby-ing. I did good, I didn't cry and could feel happy for those around me who were having their turn. I know I will be a Mom, however it may be..but for now I will be the best auntie there could ever be.

On a side note, my post polyp surgery removal follow up is Monday with Dr P at BIVF. I am hoping that the pathology comes back clean and we will be ordering my meds for this cycle mid week. If it all figures out to my calculations I will get Lizzie while on the cruise :( but that also means I can start Clomid again on Day 3. Blood and ultrasounds prob around CD 12..and hopefully IUI's by month's end. I am hopeful that 2009 is our year..not just for us but for all of my friends (in real life and online). Someone on the nest says "2 lines in '09" and that's what I am sticking with.....