December 29th

It has been awhile since I have written but with the holidays and all it has been a bit crazy! I had a very eye opening day yesterday, we had to attend the wake of a close friend's dad who I met this year when he had surgery at MGH. They have a very unique last name so I knew they had to be related somehow, and lo and behold it was Scott's dad. He told me how much he adored Sean when Scott was growing up and Sean frequently went to their house on Christmas Eve. We heard about a week ago that Mr. G. was in a coma after having a really bad bout with pneumonia and my heart hurt for the family, 3 days before Christmas Mr. G. passed away. I strive to make a difference in my patients lives if only for a kind word and understanding as they are facing a stressful situation. At the wake yesterday when being introduced to Mrs. G. I told her how I knew Mr. G. and she said he spoke so kindly about me and how I made his experience that day easier. I wanted to cry, first for the hurt that they must be feeling and for myself that someone who was so scared was comforted by my mere presence. It's my goal to make these patients a little less scared and feel like they matter the most to me while I am with them. I feel like I accomplished that with Mr. G!

I also had dinner with Sean's family yesterday and had a great conversation with Rebecca and Aunt Kathleen who were aware of our struggles of trying to get pregnant. They were both so caring and supportive that it was incredible! Rebecca promised that "your child will be so loved by this family. They will always know how hard you tried and how badly you wanted them." I know every parent loves their kids to the death, but I think I will feel so connected to this baby because I have given my all to make it happen. I am in a good place right now, I have been around babies galore this holiday and was actually able to enjoy it for the first time in a long time. I feel now that people know what we are going through, they understand and sympathize with us instead of bothering us with questions like "are you guys planning on having kids?" I know that someday Rebecca will be my other sister in law, I have known that since the day I met her. She is so caring and wonderful to be around that I see that a friendship is blossoming into something wonderful.

To my friends, I wish you all a very happy and blessed 2009. You have all been my rock for the past year and I will never forget it. You have seen me through many tears this year but also through the rain the rainbow looms. I know this will be our year..I just feel it!