October 3rd

So, blog #1 on this "amazing" journey starts today. They say "there is no time like the present", I don't know who said it but they must not have been struggling to have a baby is my guess. This journey over the past year has brought up so much for me, weird feelings of hopelessness, fear, anxiety, depression and hopefully joy when it all works out as it's supposed to. We have finally gotten the green light to begin medication through the RE's office. For those of you who either haven't began trying to have kids or had an easy time getting pregnant, your Reproductive Endocrinologist is the gatekeeper on your path to infertility treatment. Dr P. has been very knowledgeable and matter of fact that if we want to have a baby, we can make this happen. I have always had something to blame not getting pregnant on, like the ankle fracture, or the heart defect but now with all of those fixed I am facing the biggest hurdle yet. I used to joke if Dr P. asked me to stand on my head with a clown hat on for 30 mins a day I would, now that the headstands are a reality, I'm scared shitless! If treatment isn't working I have no one/nothing else to blame and that scares me!

I have this great group of women right now, my Mind/Body ladies who understand all my fears because they have been there. I finally feel instead of being an "outcast form the easily pregnant peeps" that I am part of a super club of girls who are going to birth the next generation of world leaders! I look forward to meeting with the M/B gang every week to hear that everyone is doing well and that we have all made it another week on our journey to the golden child. Unfortunately our group time is coming to an end in a few weeks, and I hope that these ladies will continue to be a support system for me as my journey is just beginning.

Now for my hubby, he has been a rock through the past year when we have been faced with a few rolling hills that he has continued to push me beyond what I thought I could achieve on my own. For the first year of marriage, things are supposed to be hard, but this was a bit heavier than I imagined. Yet every night he looks at me with the same look in his eyes and tells me how much he loves me, through all my temper tantrums, broken body parts, and "woe is me" he still stands beside me. For this, I will be eternally grateful! Now for my "framily" that is all of my friends that have become my extended family, I love each and every one of you with my whole heart! You have always been by my side when I thought I couldn't take it anymore on my own. Everyone of you was there through 2 surgeries, and many heartbreaking phone calls when I thought I was just going to die from the stress and anxiety. You talked me through it and showed me what true friendship entails, I only hope I provide half as much to you as you all give to me. My Mom, Dad, and brother B have always been there, and I know they know they have my undying devotion.

We are in for a wild ride gang, in 18 months I have never been anxious to get "Lizzie--that's her code name" but Lizzie's arrival means the beginning of our first treatment cycle. I have heard good things (more eggs) and bad things (really freaking hormonal) about Clomid which will increase the number of follicles/eggs my body will produce which will hopefully ramp up my chance of conceiving every month. Then once they get all huge and ready to pop we will begin IUI (intra uterine insemination) where they take the sperm and eggs and put them in the "same room" and hope the sparks fly!!! I am scared but excited to start and now am mad that Lizzie is delaying her arrival time since I am not an airport. Actually maybe I am because it is time for Lizzie to take a nice loooong vacation and when she comes back Baby B will be pulling her hair and keeping her up all night too.

Here's to a successful Clomid/IUI #1!!